At 3am I hate being a mum!
Just a few hours before hand I was playing and smiling and laughing with my kids thinking that life could not get any better, but I know that it will all change when I get into bed and snuggle up to my baby because at 3 am I will hate that I have them.
As 3 am comes around I have already been woken up roughly three times for a feed and a cuddle, but for some reason 3am is different. The baby won’t go back to sleep, they won’t sit still and allow me to sing to them, or pat them while I am still lying in my bed pretending sleep will be coming back to me soon.
I am walking the length of the bed bouncing and patting and shushing hoping that it will not take as long as it did the night before when I was still awake enough to see the light starting to peek around the edges of the blinds.
I curse under my breath at every failed attempt to lay them down on the bed still asleep, I think I lose count at four some mornings before I have managed to put them down and slide into bed myself in that tiny little spot I left at the edge of the bed. Now all I have to do is pray that when I put the blankets on her they won’t remember that we were walking and mummy was the only blanket she needed.
I never ever thought I would have bad feelings about being a mum, but for just those few hours when I haven’t slept for more than three hours unbroken, and I am walking back and forth down the length of that bed I wonder what the hell I was thinking having so many kids.
I write this not to give you a solution to my 3 am journey but to let you know that if at 3am you are awake walking around your room with a feeling that you always regret in the morning when they smile at you, you are not alone!
xxx Trins.
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